Ages and Stages

www.help4everyparent.com

These articles will be of interest to people who have a baby or want information about the stages   of development of babies and toddlers from birth to three years. There are also articles about older pre-school children.

On this page you will find articles on:

• Hand control

• The mobile baby

• Growing independence

• Playing with others

• Thinking

• School talk

• Learning through play

• Clever fingers

• Dealing with clothes

• Changes in routine

• Organizing skills

• Getting hurt

• Spending time with kids

• Parent/child relationships

• Babies at Risk

• Sick children

• Colds

• Mobile toddlers

• Crossing the midline

• Interrupting adults

• Babies are demanding

• New Babies

• Companions

• When to start school

• Making friends

• Crawling babies

• Whinging

Click the headings on the right for more articles

Hand Control
It is amazing the progress a child makes in the first two years of life.  One of the most exciting milestones for a parent is when the baby becomes aware of his/her hands.  This happens between three and four months of age.  Hang bright objects close to baby.  Tie them securely.   Baby will begin to reach out to touch them.  Items don’t have to be toys.  Choose pretty ribbons or streamers, cheap decorations, even a foil pie plate.  These things will attract baby’s attention and move even if touched very lightly.  Things that make a sound are even better.  Baby soon learns to bat at these.

As soon as baby is able to grasp something, safety must be upgraded.  Now objects must be suitable for holding and mouthing as baby will mouth everything that he/she can grasp.

At first babies use the whole hand to grasp things.  It is some months before they begin to pick up items using the first finger and thumb. 

Toddlers become very skilled with their hands.  They love to pick up small items and put them into containers.  Always take care that toys don’t have small bits that may come off and become a choking hazard.  Toddlers will still taste things that are not food.  Take care with food too.  My little grand-daughter is 17 months old.  She loves to feed herself but sometimes puts too much food in her mouth at one time.  Pips in fruit can also be dangerous.  Never leave a toddler alone to eat. 

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The Mobile Baby
Encouraging baby to crawl or take those first steps is an exciting milestone but suddenly a whole new world is there to explore.  To avoid chaos the house has to be reorganized. Safety comes first.  Many things will have to go out of reach now.                                                                          Here is a list to consider:

• The heater

• Hot food on low tables

• Pills and medicines

• Steps,stairs

• Electric cords

• Power points

• Tools

• Pens, pencils scissors and sharp objects

Go into each room and take a long hard look.  What safety hazard can you see for baby? Are there 

•  things on the coffee table that you don’t want torn or chewed up?

•  table edges that will give baby’s tender head a nasty bump?

•  mats to slip on?

•  TV buttons going to cause a problem?

•  pot-plants that can b e tipped over, or eaten?How many ‘no… no’ items are there

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Growing Independence: I can do it myself

It takes a long time for children to become independent but there are many exciting milestones along the way.  We feel proud when a little one takes his/her first steps or when baby gets up or down the steps without help.  As children become more and more independent, parents and carers need to be patient and this can be very frustrating.  Young children will gain physical skills, confidence and self esteem if you let them do things for themselves.

Let toddlers have a fair go.  Help them learn to:

•  feed themselves and wipe their mouths

• wash hands

• brush hair

• clean teeth

• take off clothes

• put on a hat

Be patient when older children want help you, or you ask them to help.  You can avoid mess by doing jobs yourself but try to stand back and give help only if the child needs it.  They can:

• wipe noses

• put on socks and shoes and do them up

• put on most clothes and do up buttons

• bring in the mail or post letters

• set the table and spread their own toas

• twater plants

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Playing with others

Babies with siblings are lucky.  They have children to watch and learn from right from the beginning.  One of the most important skills they gain is how to interact with others. Children enjoy the company of other children and need same age companions to play with. Good playgroups, child care centres, and pre-schools offer safe, attractive environments where children play and learn together.

Some parents must send their baby to day care at a very young age because of work commitments.  Other parents don’t have that pressure and can choose if, and when they will send their child to a centre. 

 What are the benefits to parents?

• Child free time to exercise or follow a hobby

• Time to spend with other family members

• Study time

• Catch up with friends time

• Career can continue

• The chance to develop more social contacts

What are benefits to child?

• Having fun with other children

• Playing with different toys and equipment

• Access to a bigger range of playthings

• Learning social skills such as taking turns, sharing

• Becoming more independent

• Gaining confidence

• Interacting with other adults

A caring staff and a safe, interesting environment are essentials at any child minding centre. Never leave your child at a centre you don’t feel quite happy about. Take time to select a centre. 

 Look for :

• Happy children

• A calm atmosphere

• Staff talking to children

• Staff happy to explain things to you

• Flexible routines

• Evidence of the program that is followed

• How children are supervised on equipment, in bathroom, at meal times

• The philosophy behind the centre (e.g., is tolerance encouraged? 

• How are children disciplined? 

• How are differences in gender, race, and abilities seen?)

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Thinking

Once children begin to put words together, adults have a window into how a child’s thoughts work and listening to a child thinking is fascinating. I kept a small notebook of the wonderful things my children said and through the years it has given us many a laugh. Opening it at random this morning I read an entry that recorded a four and five year old discussing God, angels and the devil. Children pick up ideas from many sources and use those ideas creatively. I have a wonderful book about listening to children, encouraging them to talk about their ideas and communicating with them. It is called Chasing Ideas by Christine Durham (Finch Publishing 2001).Look for it in your library or contact Christine cdurham@doingupbuttons.com From this book you can learn how to ask the right questions to stimulate conversation and get ideas flowing. There are many answers to problems and fascinating conversations to be had if we can listen and guide our children without judging.

Children have ideas on everything and it is worthwhile finding out their view of the world. By asking children why, what, when where and if questions, you will stimulate their thinking and encourage them to solve problems. Adults often answer for their children. Resist, and give them time to answer themselves. Even a two year old can be encouraged to think about actions. Begin with stories. Ask the child about the action in the story – what might happen if…Look at the pictures, at the clothes, the homes, cars toys etc. and compare them with ones familiar to the child.  Encourage pre-schoolers to join in conversations at the meal table.  Our world needs creative solutions and our children are the future so lets stimulate their minds and hold conversations without judging them.

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School talk

When children begin school they mix with a lot of new people and it quite common for them to copy the way the new people in their lives talk. This will vary from the way they hear words pronounced, to adopting an accent, to new vocabulary including swearing.

Not all people object to swearing. Some accept it as okay for adults to swear but not children. In a family this confuses the children. Children pick up words very easily. You will know immediately if your child has heard you using a swear word, probably when you were angry. Explain to the child that you said this when you were angry but you don't like it and will try hard not to use it again. Make sure that you don't use words that you don't want your child to say. Help the child to deal with feeling angry without swearing.

If your child comes home using language that you don't like, tell your child the word is not acceptable and be firm. You can: explain

• 'In this family we don't like that word. Please don't say it again.'

• model a different, acceptable word

• explain that swearing can hurt someone's feelings.

With older children who persist in using an unacceptable word, give a consequence such as not being allowed to have a friend home or to go on an outing or watch certain programs until he or she has apologized and can stop using swear words.

Language is a powerful tool. Let's help our children to use it positively.

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learning through play

Recently I took an exchange student from Germany who is in senior high school, to visit a pre-school in my town. The children in the three year old room were all involved in activities at the tables at the time. I explained to him that playing with coloured plastic pegs on a pegboard, painting, pasting coloured paddlepop sticks onto paper, and cutting pieces of dough with scissors are all activities that help children to learn about colours, sizes, numbers and at the same time help muscle strength, hand control, and concentration that will be needed in writing. I asked him if he had been to a pre-school as a small boy. He replied that he had, but he’d no idea that the materials he’d played with had helped him when he’d reached school age.

It is good for us all to reflect from time to time about the games our children play and the materials they use. Don’t be shy to ask at your child's centre, why certain activities are provided.  In early childhood centres, much thought is put into the materials that are put out for the children. The scissors I’ve mentioned for example are good because

• children are gaining the skill to open and close the scissors

• the scissors cut easily through dough 

• the children gain confidence though success (trying to cut paper at this stage would be frustrating)

• children are engaged in a fun activity

• fingers. are exercised

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Clever fingers

Between 12 and 18 months of age, toddlers pick up almost everything from snails and caterpillars to cake and books and examine them in detail. With every hand and finger task they undertake, their hands are becoming more flexible, more nimble. Toys help them to master everyday tasks. Grasping blocks, sorting pegs, picking up stones, exploring the features on busy boxes, using matchbox cars and turning the pages of books, will all help to strengthen little fingers and toddlers love these kinds of toys.  Don’t forget to include things from nature to sort such as cones, shells, leaves fruit, vegetable and flowers. Unpacking the shopping bags is great fun for little ones.  Be sure to supervise.

It is fascinating and sometimes frustrating to watch small children trying to pick up and manipulate objects. Tasks that seem so easy to us, are difficult, their little hands can be so clumsy.  I often use a felt board and felt pieces when I go storytelling at childcare centres. Some children are invited to place a felt piece on the board for me. For the two year olds this is quite difficult. The three year olds find it easier, while the four year olds have no trouble at all. Can you find something colourful in your house for little fingers to pick up?____________________________________________________________________

Dealing with clothes

One of the biggest tasks a parent (particularly a mother) has to deal with, is coping with clothes. Every day there is a new pile of dirty ones and when these are washed, it is pegging out, bringing in, folding, ironing and putting away. It brings to mind that old song ‘It was on a Monday morning that I beheld my Darling…’

These days most Australian families have automatic washing machines and many, according to the children I’ve asked in local child centres, have dryers as well. These machines certainly remove a lot of the drudgery that my Mother had to cope with, but clothes can still cause loads of stress. When, oh when are children capable of dealing with their own clothes?

Toddlers can:

• throw dirty clothes into a basket - Keep it in the bathroom and establish a routine to throw clothes in it before bathtime

• sort a few socks into pairs ready for you to fold together

• open drawers and put undies away,

Pre-schoolers can:

• also feel in pockets for tissues or toys

• sort clothes according to colour

• remember to put hats and shoes in special places

• wriggle under the beds to look for lost clothes

School-aged kids can:

• fold their clean clothes

• hang them up

• carry a basket to the laundry

• put socks in to soak

• iron easy things

Older kids can:

• be responsibe for putting out all their dirty clothes

• operate the washing machine

• use the dryer

• help Mother by pegging out or bringing in the washing.

If the washing chores are shared, no person should be stressed too much, but training must begin early so jobs become automatic. We all want clean clothes so let’s make it as easy as possible.

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Changes in Routine

In a dream just before waking, somebody said to me, ‘Anyone can stop an earthquake’! What an extraordinary thing to hear. It set me thinking. I came to the conclusion that families experience many events in their lives that are the equivalent of earth tremors if not quakes. The holiday period is a perilous time as there are so many changes in routine that behaviour is one area in which tremors may be felt and have to be stopped.

Tired and excited children have trouble paying attention, listening to others, concentrating, following directions, sharing, keeping still and remembering what and when they have to do something.

Children do not easily recognise that they are tired. Much of the behaviour that threatens to become earth-tremor behaviour, occurs because of tiredness.

When overtired, children tend to

• cry or scream

• show-off

• squabble

• hit or kick

• refuse to come

• take risks

• speak rudely

• make unreasonable demands.

The best course of action is to plan events allowing for rest periods or quiet periods after each unusual activity. An exciting energy filled day should be followed by a quiet, undemanding day. Within a family there may be quite a wide range of ages so plan for everyone. Think ahead of how you can cater for each child at the same time. At the zoo, the youngest will need to be wheeled in a stroller but the older ones can have responsibility to go ahead to see animals of their special interest, queue to buy food, take photos and report back regularly to parents. At the beach, little ones need to be close to adults at all times but older, good swimmers can be in the water independently as long as they report back often.

I hope your holidays will be earthquake free.

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Organising skills

Teaching kids organizing skills or organising your pre-schoolers clothes is a real challenge. My teenage grandchildren cannot believe how many things their three year old sister owns. It isn’t just toys but clothes too. They are sure they didn’t have as many when they were that age but their Mother remembers differently. I walked into my little granddaughter’s room to see for myself and was amazed. The wardrobe was open and I saw at a glance that she has enough undies, tops, and skirts for a princess or a model. There is no way she could keep her clothes organised and in the right drawers.

When I started school my mother thought I had a luxurious wardrobe as I had five dresses – one for each day of the school week – and a hair ribbon to match each dress. I had a dress for Sunday school too and some old clothes for weekends. Most women had only one best dress in those days too. That dress was worn to church every week, month after month and sometimes year after year. Our wardrobes and drawers were never crowded. It was easy to keep them tidy. Clothes were given away when the children outgrew them and were bought with room to grow into, never just the right size to fit.

This reflection on my childhood doesn’t help my grandchildren to organize their clothes or possessions. Organisation needs to begin when the child is young if it is to become a habit. Perhaps there should be two sections to a wardrobe. Part could act like a linen press where the parent  goes each week to select clothes. These clothes could then be put in the appropriate drawers for the child.  Ten pairs of undies, socks, and tops will give a child plenty of choice and prevent that mass of clothing that invites the kids to fling things onto the floor while finding the wanted articles.

With toys I think I’m in favour of the idea that when something new arrives, something old must be given away. However, think carefully before insisting on that. Ideally the child should decide which object goes.

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Getting hurt

When a baby reaches out to explore another baby or an animal, one of them may get hurt. It is common for babies to pull hair, poke eyes and pat enthusiastically.  Toddlers and babies have no concept of how to touch gently. They need many demonstrations accompanied by suitable words, before this is understood. What does an infant do if hurt? The primary response will usually be crying. A toddler may however, strike back at the other child. A hit for a hit, a bite for a bite, a hair pull for a hair pull. Before the adult minding the toddlers knows what is happening several children are screaming and dealing blows at each other. What is the best way to react?

Remove both babies from danger, calm both babies down by cuddling and using a soothing voice, distract baby by giving him/her something to hold or watch, re-introduce the babies to each other under close supervision using a game or object that won’t cause conflict

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Spending time with kids

A parent of  a newborn baby spends most of every day attending to the baby's physical needs . Feeding, changing, washing, comforting takes many hours. It can be exhausting. When baby isn’t being fed or changed, he/she is usually asleep. Parents look forward to the next stage when mealtimes don’t take so long, when the baby can be alone some of the time, when the adult’s life can begin again. The fact is that time in a family is always in short supply. A toddler with beginning independence, a pre-schooler who can play with friends, a five year old who has started school, all still takes hours of an adult’s time every day. During these hours spent with the child, social, emotional, physical and cognitive learning takes place. Most learning won’t be planned, it just happens, especially learning through the senses by touching, listening, hearing, tasting and thinking.

Between four and eight months, baby is into a routine and personality begins to emerge. While some babies will still seem happiest while being cuddled, others will be content to watch what is happening in their environment. By setting baby in a bouncinette, on a rug or in a pram, it is possible for the primary care giver to give attention to baby while attending to other tasks or to other children. This is also a first step in developing self reliance. Second children are lucky as they often have a sibling playing nearby, making sounds, moving, in fact making entertainment. If your baby is your first, you will be surprised how he/she will be attracted to other babies and children. Humans are essentially social beings.

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Parent/child relationships

After a baby is born people talk about the necessary bonding that takes place between mother and baby. Fathers also develop strong bonds with their offspring especially today when the father may do a lot of the caring. As children grow, people tend to expect the bond between parent and the children of the same sex to be stronger than the bond between the children of the other sex.  This is no doubt natural and perhaps we need to make an extra effort to maintain closeness as our children become school age and particularly in the teenage years. It is often mothers who take both girls and boys to extra curricular activities and urge them on, Do fathers take their daughters to sport, ballet, drama or music often, or only occassionally?

Here are some questions to get you thinking:

• How well do you know what your primary or teenaged son/daughter thinks?

• Do you take an active interest in your son’s/daughter’s after school activities?

• How often do you do something with your other sex child – just the two of you?

• How do you react when your other sex child says they don’t like boys/girls?

• Do you discuss a wide range of topics in your family including gender issues?

• Do you encourage the kids to engage in activities that were traditionally associated with one gender?

• How critical are you of the kids and do you know how they feel when you criticise them?

• How do you react to sibling rivalry and arguments?

Try to keep that mother/son relationship and the father/daughter relationship strong throughout life.

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Babies at risk

A baby milk formula company in China, Sanlu, that is partly owned by the Fonterra company in New Zealand has been adding melamine, to the milk to give the impression that it is higher in protein. Melanine, is normally added to plastics or fertilizer and the result is that over 6,000 babies are seriously ill. Three babies have now died and 150 have acute kidney problems. Families are hurting not only because babies are suffering, but also because the product was not withdrawn from sale for over six weeks after the company knew what had happened. Heads of companies are passing the blame from one to another.

This tragedy is surely a sound reason for mothers to persevere with breast feeding. Breast milk is the best milk for a baby. It comes sterile, at the right temperature, and full of the correct balance of nutrients provided the mother is not on drugs and heeds advice about foods that may affect baby with colic etc. More support should be given to help mothers establish and maintain a good milk supply. Mastitis and blocked milk ducts are the main reasons women give up but this can be avoided if action is taken early enough. Pre-natal classes are a good place to deal with potential problems and to tell expectant women where to get help. I recall my daughter found massaging the breast while under a hot shower would relieve a blocked duct.

Since writing this information a week ago, the number of sick babies has blown out to almost 60,000! Authorities say melamine leaches into food from plastic packaging too and the safe level to consume is 0.5mg  for each kg. of body weight. this means a 20kg child could eat 10mgs per day with safety. Highest levels of melamine eaten per kg. in China were 2500mgs. per kg. How frightening. Animals have been affected also. Many  products that had contaminated milk added in production such as biscuits and sweets have now been recalled in many parts of the world.(NZ Herald, Sept 26th 2008)

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Sick Children

It is always worrying if your child is sick and getting treatment can be very stressful. When my children were very young we could ring for the doctor to visit our home if the child was very ill. Nowadays that is impossible. However ill a child is, we must bundle them up and either go to the surgery or to emergency at the hospital. Often there is a very long wait in an unfamiliar environment which can upset both the parent and the child. By the time you actually see the doctor, the child may not be co-operative in an examination, and the doctor may seem dismissive of your concerns, or rushed and be writing out a script before you can tell the whole story. We have all heard horror stories of tragedy when proper attention was not given by health officials. Minimize stress by introducing your baby to people outside the family from birth, taking your toddler to the doctor for your appointments so he/she will be familiar with the environment and the people, talking about how the doctor can help sick people, telling stories - use the child’s toys to role play sickness, medicine, doctors, nurses, injections etc.

In an excellent parenting monthly newsletter I read the following tips for how to get the best from your doctor.

• Prepare to state in one or two sentences why you've brought the child in (or why you're calling for an appointment), and identify the symptoms you have observed.

• Write down the sequence of events of your child's illness, being as specific as possible about times and dates.

• Describe the quality and quantity of the symptoms (how many times did your child vomit in the night, for example), and what, if anything, relieved the symptoms or made them worse.

• Review and be ready to tell the doctor about your child's medical history, particularly previous hospital admissions, surgeries and injuries.

• Write down (or take with you) any medications your child is taking and what the dose and frequency are.After your child has been examined, and the doctor has made a recommendation, you'll want to ask: What therapies is the doctor suggesting and why? What are the risks of each?

• If the recommendation is to do nothing, is there any risk to this?

• If the recommendation is to do nothing, but your child has symptoms, what can be done about the symptoms?

• If medication is being prescribed, what side effects should you watch for?

•  If your child is being treated by anyone other than the regular doctor—for example, in an emergency room or by a specialist, here's a question you should ask: "How will the results of this exam and any tests be communicated to the regular doctor?"

These tips are taken from How to Talk to Your Child's Doctor: A Handbook for Parents  by Christopher M. Johnson, (Prometheus Books)

• The chapter, "When The Conversation Turns Sour," provides three valuable reminders to those of us who are not physicians:

• Intervene immediately if you do not understand the doctor, or if you are concerned the doctor has not understood you or your child.

• It is the doctor's responsibility to communicate with you in a way you can understand; you have every right to insist on this.

• If you believe the doctor's behavior has been inappropriate, consider contacting the hospital or clinic's patient relations office.

• If the doctor is in a small private practice, consider a letter to him or her outlining your concerns.

Reprinted with permission from Parenting Press News for Parents, copyright 2008. For a no-cost subscription, see www.parentingpress.com

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Colds

There are over 200 germs that can give us colds and kids are likely to catch about 8 colds a year. As they are very easy to catch from each other, it is no wonder that families are rarely cold free. When they have a cold, kids feel tired and irritable especially when they can’t breathe easily and their throats or ears are sore. Babies and toddlers will not be able to drink or eat as much as usual. They may vomit when mucous runs down into the throat. They may cry even when you are holding them. A sick baby doesn’t sleep well either and the whole family suffers. Never delay in seeking medical help if your baby or toddler is unwell. An slight fever can become life-threatening in a matter of hours.

Try to avoid colds in your family. Here are some tips

• Wash your hands a lot.

• Use tissues when coughing or sneezing then put the tissue in a bin.

• Cough into your elbow rather than your hand if you have a cold.

• Keep away from sick people.

• Eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables.

• Have plenty of sleep.

• If you feel unwell stay at home to avoid spreading germs

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Click the headings on the right for more articles

Copyright 2008