HELP 4 EVERY PARENT

www.help4everyparent.com

 

March Issue 2010

Welcome to this issue of my free parenting E-zine in which I bring you small snapshots of the joys and problems of raising children.

SPECIALS

FEATURES

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 SPECIALS - Stepping out of the comfort zone

For most people there are situations and tasks that they really dislike. Often these situations must be faced whether we like it or not. It may be facing up to an unfair situation at work,  returning damaged goods to a shop, complaining to your child’s teacher, or  just attending a meeting or joining a group where you don’t feel comfortable. In these situations we feel anxious, stressed and perhaps even fearful. Children also get anxious and need help in overcoming their fears.

Anxiety usually begins when an infant is about 7 to 8 months old. Quite suddenly the baby who smiled and went happily to everyone, clings to mum or dad and cries at strangers. This is a very necessary development as babies need to develop trust, and trust must be demonstrated to them. With your help baby, will develop to confidence. Here are some helpful tips

  • Socialise  baby from birth by going shopping and visiting.

  • Hold baby while he/she gets to know the stranger, from the safety of your lap.

  • Attend playgroups so baby meets other babies and sees older children.

  • Make sure that other babies cannot pull at or hurt your baby.

  • Talk to baby when you go into another room so that he/she knows you haven’t disappeared for good.

Toddlers often have irrational fears such as fear of the dark, falling down the plughole,  disappearing down the toilet, being eaten by creepy-crawlies.

  • Never tease or force your child to face scary situations.

  • Help your toddler develop confidence by talking, reading or telling non scary stories about the situation.

  • Use appropriate aids such as small toilet seats.

  • Lift the toddler from the bath before pulling the plug.

  • Provide a night light

  • If you need to leave your child at child care, introduce the centre gradually by staying with him/her the first time and by leaving him only a very short time. 

  • Give him something of yours to mind until you come back.

Older children may be anxious about something at school. Symptoms may be crying, not wanting to go to school, stomach aches, complaining about friends. Some of the common fears kids have are of

  • bullies

  • making mistakes

  • getting lost  

  • ghosts and monsters

  • arguments and losing friends

  • changes in routines

  • illness and dying. 

Talk to the child and the teacher. Perhaps your child feels responsible for an argument at home or the breakup of a friendship. Build the child’s confidence and encourage stepping out of the comfort zone a little at a time. Suggest relaxing activities when your child seems tense. Look at your child’s strengths and concentrate on those rather than the mistakes or weaknesses. Give the child many opportunities to achieve success. Never set the child up to fail. Comparing children’s achievements doesn’t build confidence.

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FEATURES

Ages and Stages-Making friends

Friends are important throughout our lives but are especially important when children start school. Without friends your child won’t be happy. How successful your child is at making friends will depend on a number of social skills. Michael Grose, an Australian parenting expert, www.parentingideas.com.au says parents can help their children develop the required social skills.

Your school age child needs to

  • smile and look friendly

  • know how to join a group

  • be able to hold a conversation

  • have good manners (asking, please and thankyou)

  • share possessions

  • be a good loser

  • make up after a disagreement.

How good is your child at these skills and how can you improve them? It is never too early to begin socialising. As soon as a baby can make sounds, they will take turns with you when you talk. This is the basis of conversation and a first step in making friends.

Children in larger families have an advantage over only children in developing social skills but if your child attends a pre-school or often plays with other children they will have plenty of experience. I interact with children each week at a variety of child care centres and while most of the children are keen to talk to me, there are some who shrug their shoulders when asked a question and never hold a conversation with me. They don’t want to take turns in the activities. They sit without smiling when the rest of the group is actively involved. Teachers will help these children to gain confidence in very small groups first and to interact with their peers in simple tasks such as giving out fruit and musical instruments and by insisting on good manners such as saying please and thank you. At home they also need practise. Shrugging doesn’t start a conversation but parents can help their child to recall what has happened in the day, and speak about it. Encourage your child to relate events to the other parent. Sometimes a wildly silly tale by one parent will prompt the child to tell what really happened.

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Kids 'n Gardening-Kids Growing Coloured Lettuce

March is the ideal time to grow lettuce. As the days become cooler it will not be so inclined to bolt into seed. Lettuce seed usually germinates quite quickly so it is a good plant for kids to grow as they won’t lose interest before the plants show up. It also transplants readily so buying the seedlings may be preferred.

For added interest, why not encourage the children to grow several varieties of lettuce. There are: -

  • Leaf Lettuce varieties.

  • Romaine or Cos lettuce.

  • Butterhead lettuce

  • Crisphead lettuce.

·        The leaf lettuce comes in various reds and greens that look very attractive grown next to each other. Ruby and New Red Fire are two leaf lettuce varieties that are coloured. Children will enjoy making little plant markers to indicate which seed they planted where. The best thing about leaf lettuce is that it can be picked sooner than lettuce that grows into a head.

Lettuce seeds can be started in a small pot and planted out when large enough to handle. To save root damage during transplanting, try one of those newspaper pots that you can make yourself.

When planting, follow the instructions on the packet. Romaine and Butterhead lettuce take up less space than other kinds of heading lettuce, while the leaf lettuce can be grown in an even smaller spot. Lettuce can also grow in semi-shade, unlike most other vegetables.

Never water lettuce plants while the sun is hot as that will burn the leaves. Watering them in the late afternoon is best. Lettuce needs plenty of water and will be improved by an application of soluble fertiliser every so often. Snails love lettuce, so make sure they are protected from such pests.

Copyright Bev Boorer 2010

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Kids in the news -Violence

There has recently been a sad case in which a twelve year old boy was fatally stabbed by a thirteen year old while at school. It has sparked many discussions about violence. Recent studies have shown that schools have to deal regularly with cases of violence. In Victoria a study of 4,000 kids over two years showed higher rates of violence there, than in Washington, US. A different study of year 8 and 9 students in Australia, showed links between parents who condoned violence, and who engaged in a punitive style of parenting, and the behaviour of their kids at school. Many acts of violence begin with bullying. Bullying persists despite the mandatory anti-bullying programs in schools. Physical bullying is most common between boys, while girls engage in emotional bullying and cyber bullying is increasing at an alarming rate. ( Sydney Morning Herald 17/2/10)

It is necessary to talk to your children about violent events in the community and the world, so that you can discuss ways of solving conflict in acceptable ways. Talking through such events is also necessary to help children feel safe in their school and home environments. Not only was there the school violence reported above, but soon after, a case in which an eight year old was abducted from her home and murdered early in the morning. The community is one known for its safety. Fear builds until the guilty person is found.

It is difficult to get the balance right between stressing safety aspects and making our children fearful; between supervising their activities and giving them independence; between caution and over-protection; between making your home secure and turning it into a fortress. We need to be always vigilant and begin talking about all aspects of life with our children from an early age.

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Healthy Living Walking

When a baby takes his/her first steps, it generates pride and excitement in the whole family. Let’s not lose that joy as children grow, as walking is one of the best and healthiest activities for people of all ages.

Instead of jumping into the car to go places, instead of teaching the kids that they can be driven everywhere, encourage walking every day. Look at where you can walk to in your community. You and the kids will be fitter if you walk them to school. Younger children need an adult to accompany them until you are confident that they know the safety rules. Older kids will enjoy walking with their friends instead of going with family, and if they are safety conscious this is a good idea. However, it doesn’t mean that you should give up on walking. See how many car trips you can replace by walking. Some  planning may be necessary such as getting up early enough to walk to work, walking several blocks to the shops instead of using the closest parking lot, park in a central spot and walk to all the shops instead of moving the car from one location to another.

Encourage family walks.

  • Walk around the block after the evening meal

  • explore the area by walking around different streets

  • keep the kids interested by making walking a game e.g. mapping, learning street names, recording number of animals seen, number of bikes

  • take a bag and collect rubbish as you walk

  • look for specific flowers or trees and collect leaves or seeds

  • take seasonal photos

  • time the distance you walk and improve on that time over several days

  • make up stories as you walk or sing songs. Praise the children for their walking. Make walking a happy habit for everyone in the family.

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Book Review -Queenie the Bantam by Bob Graham

Published by Walker books 2008

ISBN978 1 4063 1648 3

This is a delightful story about an adventurous bantam rescued from a lake. After taking the bantam, Queenie, home to dry and feed, Mum, Dad and Caitlin, successfully search for her real home. Queenie, however, returns to lay an egg each day for Caitlin. This is a story about sharing and giving, and babies and changes. The illustrations are delightful - Mum thinking in the bath, Dad knitting, Queenie pecking seeds on newspaper by the fire, Bruno sharing his basket and taking on a new and surprising role. The pictures are simple at first glance but tell us many details about the lives of the family. This is a book to treasure. 

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Play ideas Messy play

Parents see paint, mud, water, even food, in a different way from their children. A baby given a piece of toast will make a real mess, smearing it all over face, hands, clothes and the high chair. We expect this, but by the time that baby has grown into a pre-schooler, the same behaviour isn’t acceptable. Pre-schoolers still like to explore things through the hands and we should provide them with the chance to get messy. Not everyone can have a sand pit in their home but there are other things right in your kitchen that can be great fun. Put a plastic sheet or some newspaper on the floor so the area will be easy to clean up, or give the child a table that is an appropriate height.

Lentils and dry pasta

Let your child empty a packet of lentils or dry pasta into a baking dish or a bowl. Encourage him/her to let them flow through his/her fingers. Children love to pour lentils and pasta from one container to another. They make a good sound in plastic and in metal containers. Small toys like cars or plastic animals are fun to play with at the same time.

Goop

Empty a packet of cornflour into a bowl or a flat container like a cat litter tray. Let your child pour a jug full of water over it then mix it with the hands. It feels silky and drips off the fingers in a fascinating way.

Cooked potatoes

Boil potatoes, cool them, and cut into quarters. Put them in a bowl and give your child a small jug of milk or water to add, and the masher. The mashed potatoes can be part of your child’s lunch.

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Click here to contact Helen if you would like to make suggestions or have comments to make.

Copyright 2009

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Helen's  books, Everyday learning about storytelling and Simply Storytelling, will help you to tell stories to your children. For Everyday learning, go to www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au and look at the catalogue

For Simply Storytelling (ISBN 9780864588104 published by Tertiary Press)  go to  www.pearsoned.com.au/VetDirect put the title in the keyword search and click.

Three of Helen's picture books are available as downloads or CD's from Writer's Exchange at Reader's Eden. Children from 3 to 10 will love them.
Here is the link:  
http://tinyurl.com/2hm2db
 This will take you to my author's
 page.

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